Thursday, December 9, 2010

let's start at the beginning...

i was married before. it didn't work out. so when my divorce came through i was ready to go. my first husband and i had purchased a house together several years ago and now with the divorce all said and done it appeared i was going to be the one to stay on at what is, admittedly, a very large home for one person, three dogs, and three cats. so i decided to sell the house and everything in it, take the profits and buy myself an rv to travel the country, taking just my camera and the aforementioned three dogs and three cats. i gave away or sold almost everything i owned. the couch even fetched $30.00. i only wanted to keep what would fit in an rv or a very, very small storage unit.

and then he happened.

and that was all shot to hell.

see, fresh out of a divorce, i had no desire to rush right into a commitment. i mean, who would, right? to complicate things, he was at the beginning of his own (rather difficult) divorce. and he had a son. a 5 year old son. so just as i've finished loudly proclaiming to any and all who would hear that i was woman, i would roar, and i would not be encumbered by another man again until i was damned good and ready, something occurred to me.

i appeared to be damned good and ready.

so here we are.

i had to get more furniture. i had given away entertainment centers, dining tables, side tables, pretty much all the stuff you need to have people in your home comfortably without having to describe the decor as "refugee chic". so we got on, we took stuff our families were ready to get rid of, and we set up shop as a confused, somewhat functional family unit of sorts.

we were not married at this point (as bigamy is not legal in the united states, natch), so to the young lad, mommy was still daddy's wife and i was the girlfriend of his daddy. i was out in the ether, floating there without a title. it was tough to explain. roughly 6 months later, i was the fiance of his daddy, still somewhat in the ether but getting closer to terra firma. i had no legal ties to him and he had none to me. on occasion i think he wondered where his loyalty belonged. it was rough for him. it was rough for me. finding solid ground was nearly impossible.

but then, in august of 2010, his daddy and i got married. he was the ring bearer. he was excited and happy and finally had a title for me: step-mom. a little cumbersome, didn't exactly roll off the tongue, but it was definite. solid. terra firma at last.

as of this writing, i am happy to report we are a rather functional family unit, complete with couch, dining set, and daily routine. i go to parent-teacher conferences, make sure we have money for school pictures, give him vitamins, and even taught him to use a neti pot. my husband and i are deliriously happy and the little one can see that. our goal is to make his life stable and good. we hope to get a little closer to that goal every day. we certainly try.

so that's how we got into this mess.

ta da.


  1. First, congrats on starting your blog!! I'm sure I will be a daily...or whenever you post...reader.

    I had no idea you had so much going on in your life! I read your status updates on fb but I guess I just missed all of this. Congrats on the marriage, as well. I wish you every happiness!

    Good luck, with little man. My son will be 5 in May and I couldn't imagine another woman entering his life at this stage. We are very close. I commend your efforts.

    I have a step mother and we have always gotten along. My only problem with her was her jealousy issues. She was jealous of the relationship I had with my father and it caused great strain between he and I. I'm sure you are not that way at all so there is no reason for me to continue...

    good luck with everything and if you need any advice or just someone to vent to, I'm your girl!

  2. i have a follower! joy!!!!!!!

    yeah, my life kind of went ass over ankles for a bit. when you see yourself heading in one direction and then you do a 180 degree turn, it's daunting. coming into a kid's life at that stage was a challenge. my goal is to never interfere with his relationship with either parent or ever let him hear me say a negative thing about them. so far, so good.

    i may often beg you for advice. i need mommy friends. :D