Wednesday, September 14, 2011

sometimes i do things that make sense.

like, finally realizing that i have migraines and that those are serious and the 10+ years i've spent trying to medicate with otc stuff just won't cut it anymore. yep, for over a decade i would get hit with a migraine, take 800mg of ibuprofen, and huddle in a dark room, weeping and moaning and writhing in agony. the pain would get so intense i would go from migraine to migraine/panic attack, making the whole thing worse. this would be followed by a day or two of loopiness, something i now know has a name: postdrome.

i have been educating myself on migraines lately. i have been studying my triggers and trying to determine what phases i'm in when i'm in them. i'm noticing that ovulation, weather changes, stress, overhead florescent lights, and lots of smoke or pollutants in the air set off a migraine. i'm tracking the pre-migraine phases,starting when i get all bitchy and anxious and irritable. then my vision starts to get a little wonky, like i'm seeing stuff but looking directly at things hurts. i also have trouble processing information, making it go in one ear and out the other. that's when i know it's going to hit soon.

that happened yesterday. the vision started to get weird and i was having trouble thinking. so i took my first ever dose of imitrex. and waited.

the pharmacist warned me i would get light-headed so i curled up on the bed to wait it out. there was a little bit of an odd feeling in my head but the miraculous thing was that the pain never hit. the storm of agonizing pain never rushed over me. it just...faded. i wasn't laying in the dark, trying not to throw up, wondering if this was that "worst headache of your life" that the websites warn you about, the kind that necessitate a trip to the hospital. i wasn't crying. it passed over me like a storm cloud you pray away at a picnic. it just left.

it was awesome.

so i'm writing about this because i've been thinking about how badly the migraines have affected my life. i've missed out on things and suffered a stupid amount of pain because all this time i thought i was managing just fine on my own. i didn't want a prescription that i had to take. i wanted to tough it out. i wanted to not be dependent on a drug. i wanted to be stronger than the migraine.

i was so off base it's hilarious.

i know this medicine hasn't worked for a lot of people and i know everyone has a different reaction, but this is like a light going on in a very dark room for me. if imitrex continues to do what it did yesterday, i might actually get a little bit of my life back again. i didn't realize how badly i felt until i felt good again. it's remarkable how that works.