Sunday, November 27, 2011

i paved the road to hell this month.

so, i intended to do the nablopomo thing this month with diligence and concentration. but then stuff came up. stuff like getting a new flood insurance agent, getting the kid some glasses, paying bills, thanksgiving. you know. stuff.

anyway, i haven't posted as often as i should, but then again, i haven't done a lot of stuff that i should have this month. example? this weekend. it was a four-day weekend for thanksgiving, for which i, along with the husband, busted out a kickass dinner. (the boy was with his mom for the holiday and then with his grandmother for the rest of the weekend. she's even taking him to school for us tomorrow. awesome.) friday, saturday, and today? we did jack. zilch. less than nothing. the most energy we exerted was going to big lots. we found "mean girls", "the producers", and "a fish called wanda" for $1.88 each. and then we watched them. energy exertion- complete.

i have been so stressed and tired and grumpy and angry-faced lately that i don't feel bad about spending 72 hours in bed, give or take. i don't feel bad about ordering pizza for dinner tonight. i don't feel bad about not cleaning the bathroom like i meant to. what i do feel is less tension in my shoulders and a renewed sense that i should take more time to take care of myself.

i feel good.

sorry, nablopomo. life happened. and i'm really, really okay with that.

Monday, November 21, 2011

stray cat strut (outside my door for food)

there is a little black cat who has been coming to our front porch for over a year now. we call him ninjitsu. he's lovely. he has apparently become accustomed to being fed by us every evening. if we don't have his canned food ready for him he stands outside the door and howls at us. he has us well trained.

i'm plotting to get him inside the house and adopt him. i will persuade him with treats of tuna and chicken. he will be my fluffy little ball of evil. we will take over the world together. oh, yes, we will take over the world...

Sunday, November 20, 2011

stuff got done, y'all. stuff got done.

in preparation for thanksgiving we tore the living room apart and gave it a good cleaning. we also tackled the boy's room (while he's at his mom's and can't interfere with the culling of ancient toys...) and reorganized everything. how much did we take out to be rehomed? let's put it this way: he has room for a recliner in there now.

*spare living room recliner- enjoy your new home*

the china hutch was reorganized and everything in it was dusted. our prized possessions, such as my collection of homies figurines and the husband's pipes, are now displayed in all their glory. all the furniture has been rearranged and it looks lovely.

as i sit here with olive oil in my hair and an avocado mask smeared on my face, i'm congratulating myself on a job well done. for once i feel kind of prepared for the holidays. i'm just going to relax and enjoy.

Friday, November 18, 2011

blogging under the influence...

of ibuprofen p.m.

yeah. i haven't been sleeping super great lately so i'm taking a little otc remedy for that this evening. it should be kicking in soon. let's see if this will be the night i sleep all the way through. my alarm clock is off, the bedroom is comfy, the animals are taken care of (including our neighborhood stray, who has been fed), the kiddo is with his mom for the week. sleep, sweet, sweet sleep, is going to be mine.

i may wake up in the morning as i did this morning, with a cat sitting on my back in an attempt to get my attention, but tonight there will be rest. it's well earned.

i resolved the great flood-insurance-cluster**** of 2011 this week, so the relief from that is amazing. the boy keeps acting up in school, so that's challenging but nothing can be done about that tonight. the husband is amazing and tolerant of my neuroses, so that's heartening. things are on a fairly even keel with no serious listing to report. (is that a sailing metaphor? i've never actually been on a boat. i haven't the faintest clue why i would work in any sort of sailing language.)

it would appear that the medicine is kicking in. let's just call this day finished and be done with it, shall we?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

man, that honesty talk was..not great

i got sick this morning and left work early. i've slept most of the day. it's just a 24-hour stomach bug. the husband gave it to me. he's such a sharer.

the boy got in trouble today in school. he was grading his homework and instead of marking 5 wrong, as he should have, he marked 3. there is no way he wasn't going to get caught. i just gave him a lecture on how he was only cheating himself and even if no one else found out he would know and dishonesty gets you nowhere and blah, blah, blah. it was half-hearted at best. i shouldn't give these talks when i'm under the weather. i really could have done better.

here's hoping for a minor infraction on his part tomorrow when i'm up to snuff. i need a redo.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

nobody's sick.

my husband isn't sick. he's thrown up multiple times today and is achy and sore and can barely move. but he's not sick. he told me so.

i'm dosing him up with coconut water, probiotics, and broth when he can keep it down.

because he's not sick.


Saturday, November 12, 2011

the agony of defeat.

the boy's first basketball game was tonight.our team lost 30-something to 2. we had 2 points because the other team accidentally scored in our basket.

the kids had a blast and they were all adorable as heck. none of them seemed at all discouraged, which is great. we asked the boy if he had fun and he said yes. it was a great game to watch and we're excited for the next one. they're all so adorable out there.

and that's all i've got in me tonight. it's half-assed but it's something. blog post = complete.

Friday, November 11, 2011

how simply being a lady makes kids think you can get them dinner: a cautionary tale

i'm pretty sure kids just look at grownups and judge them based on the perceived likelihood that the adult in question might provide them with snacks. children seem to see me and think, "hey, she has boobs, i bet she can get me dinner." i don't know how to make them stop.

the boy, for example. i was taking a shower. the child was in the living room with his father. he walks past his father, through the house, and shouts through the bathroom door that he is hungry. while i'm in the shower. and his dad is in the room he was in. while i'm in the freaking shower.

seriously.

i am a lady. i am the provider of food.

but it's gonna be health food.

that'll teach him.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

suddenly...SLEEP! also, i play matchmaker in a passive/agressive way.

so last night i was going to go to bed all early but then i started talking to a dear friend i hadn't talked to in ages. he's this wonderful guy who lives several states away and he is completely in love with this amazing woman. he is more serious about her than i've ever seen him about any woman. the problem? their relationship has hit a bit of a rough patch and the trajectory is a little stalled. my friend has never been big on marriage but now he is totally ready for it because she is just that incredible. so this is my plea to both of them, should they be reading this: get back together, you crazy kids. get married. be in love. have a happy life. he likes your cat. and he hates cats. i will vouch for his sincerity.

well, that heavy-handedness aside, the boy has been with his mom all week. when he's gone, the husband and i like to go to bed at a stupidly early hour, which i plan to do in just a moment. last night, after going to bed much later than i had planned (which was totally worth it and not regrettable at all), the dog kept us awake by letting us know her ear was bugging her, the other dogs decided to have a melee in the kitchen, and my cat decided 2:30 in the morning was a great time to sit on the husband's chest, pat me on the face, and insist that we wake up to play with her. which all pretty much happened non-stop until the sun came up and i wanted to punch the morning.

*i later tried to get back at the cat by revenge-cuddling her while she was napping but it had an effect very different than i intended. any time is cuddle time for her.

and now my knee hurts and my shoulders hurt and i'm sleepy so good night. i'll go be whiny far away from the internet.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

pretty sure i'm doing this wrong.

this time it appears i'm doing the nablopomo wrong. there are prompts i think you're supposed to use to when writing the daily blogs. i haven't even looked at them. i'm kind of taking this as more of an opportunity to motivate myself to write every day, even when i'm pretty sure i have nothing to say. (turns out, i rarely have nothing to say. words are always ready to explode from my face like alphabet dynamite.)

so, ignoring all rules for this little experiment and doing what i feel like doing, i'll just give an update on things that aren't terrible right now.

*the boy should have his glasses this week. poor kid has been without them for a month, give or take a few days, and seriously needs vision correction. we even got called in to see his teacher because since he hasn't had his glasses, his classroom behavior has, rather understandably, taken a nosedive. backup pairs will be ordered so that he doesn't have to suffer this again. (thanks, zenni optical, for making it possible to keep an 8 year old boy in glasses.)

*the husband also got glasses and he looks amazing with them on. they're thick black frames (think: buddy holly) and suit him very well. they also suit my nerd fetish very well. i'm trying to talk him into a pocket protector and maybe a pair of suspenders. maybe for valentine's day...

*i ordered a new pair of glasses just for me. just because.

*my insurance saga may be coming to a close, which means the stress headaches and grouchiness of the past few months might also be coming to a close, which means everyone is going to be much, much happier.

*i have a cat who insists on eating in the bathroom while i shower. i'm not sure if this qualifies as something that isn't terrible but it's sort of worth mentioning. also, he only eats chicken if i hand-feed him or if one of the other cats is there to eat some, too. prissy little thing.

so, how is your day?

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

almost had it. almost.

okay, so i missed a day of nablopomo yesterday but there was a really, really good reason: i curled up in bed with my husband at about 8:00 p.m. and it was all warm and snuggly and i didn't want to move. and yes, in my mind that qualifies as a really, really good reason. i mean, have you seen how handsome he is? it's his fault i don't get more things done. my house would be cleaner if he weren't so good looking.

i also did not make the pflag meeting tonight, also for a really, really good reason: this is one the night i get, every two weeks, when i am alone in the house for a bit. i watch real housewives with no one to judge me, i eat pizza, and i waste time on facebook. no one is calling my name, no one needs help with homework, no one is playing games on the computer. it's just me, a bunch of dogs, two cats, junk food, and reality tv. it's the little bit of me-time i get to do worthless things. sometimes you just need some nene screaming at sheree to calm the wild beast inside. or is that just me?

yeah, it's been stressful lately. flood insurance issues, managing money, taking care of the kid. it's like it all comes together in a tight knot on my right shoulder. just right there, where it hurts to move it. ugh. hate that. but tonight? it's vapid entertainment and unhealthy food choices time. at least until that ridiculously handsome husband of mine comes home. then i'll pretend i've been reading james joyce all evening and doing crunches.

forgive me for skipping a day, nablopomo. it won't happen again. okay, it might, but i'll try not to let it. unless there's a really, really good reason.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

putting it all out there. but not in a stripper kind of way.

writing about your personal experiences and posting them online is weird. i'm new to being trolled and it always throws me for a loop. what really gets me, though, is the people who say they relate and, heaven forbid, help them. one lady commented that what i wrote helped her feel less alone. one said she cried when she read my piece because it was exactly what she was going through. one guy called me a feminazi. but he was a troll, so that's not one of the "you're helping me, i totally relate" ones. but still.

when you're honest and you put yourself out there, you get reactions you never would have dreamed of. you get a whole spectrum of opinions. you're right, you're wrong, i totally know where you're coming from, if you were smarter you would see how jacked your life is. every blogger or internet writer i've ever read is right: the negative comments weigh a thousand times more than the positive ones. at least until you get used to it. but hey, at least if you're honest with yourself and your readers, you're doing what you're supposed to do. and that's something.

Friday, November 4, 2011

much like charles barkley, i am not a role model.

1. the boy cursed. i laughed and teased him until he admitted it.

2. when i burp really loudly he gives me a high five. i fist bump when he does the same. we do have a rule about not doing this in public and not when people are over, but yeah. it is what it is.

3. my early morning, super tired, needing motivation slogan is "let's do this crap."

4. i have a voice like a foghorn. it's loud and it carries. i have used it to advantage on a playground. it gets attention.

5. the child can quote arrested development, young frankenstein, and monty python. super age appropriate.



the basic gist is that i should not be in charge. this cannot end well.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

it's sixteen miles to the promised land and i promise you i'm doing the best i can.

i am stretched thin, worn out, and exhausted. i have been battling my flood insurance company for some time now and just when i think i'm out they pull me back in. sigh. i'm fighting them, i'm running a sleep deficit and what i'm getting is broken and not restful, and doing dishes makes me want to scream. i have no more reserves to run on this week. i need a solid night's sleep and some downtime.

wow, that's whiny. i get super cranky when i'm tired and stressed. i'm going to go finish up some chores now so that i can get some sleep and stop with the woe-is-me routine.

good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
-fade out-

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

sportiness: we haz it.

the boy had his first basketball practice tonight. his mom, dad, and i sat courtside and watched him and i am proud to report that he did not get hit in the face once and that he displays a distinct lack of suckiness on the court. the kid did all right. this was his first practice for any sport ever and he seemed to have an idea of what was going on and how to follow directions.

he got interested in basketball when we were watching the nba playoffs last season. even his dad, who does not care for sports at all, got really into the mephis/okc series and i guess the boy caught some of that. in any case, we were driving down the road one day when he asked me, completely out of the blue, to find him a team. and so i did. he has been checking out books on the sport and wants to be the next michael jordan. i contend that scottie pippen is just as worthy and highly underrated but we'll argue the fine points later. for now, he has a new sport, a new team, and something to do that requires he pay attention or be run over by charging 2nd graders.

i think he's gonna do okay. and if all goes well, he'll get a scholarship, a nice nba contract, and his dad and i retire in ecuador thanks to his largess.

although i'll just be happy if he doesn't get hit in the face.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

in which i talk about all the ways i rock.

i don't want to brag but i may possibly be the most awesome step-mom ever. really. i stepped it up this past weekend and took it to a new level. and now i'm really, really tired and would like to just retire undefeated, leaving my record pristine and my sanity intact.

on saturday our sleepy little town had it's first ever thriller dance/zombie walk and we were completely in. the boy and i went to a class to learn the dance and then zombied up to go perform it that night with roughly 185 of our closest friends. we even had religious protesters telling us we were going to hell! ( i mean, really, you could call me cliche for dancing to "thriller" but satanic? hardly. ) after the dance everyone zombie walked main street with the assistance of a darling state police escort. ah, it was fun. and we looked fabulous.


we handmade the boy's costume. he wanted to be the black knight from "monty python and the holy grail" and they just don't make that sort of thing for kids. who knew? so we found instructions on the wonderful interwebs, modified it to compensate for the fact that neither the husband nor i can operate a sewing machine, and made things awesome. he got tons of compliments on it and people seemed to think it was very cool, especially everyone old enough to know who monty python is. (the detachable arm worked for a while. at least the bloody stump was still intact.)


we stayed up waaaaay too late on sunday making the costume and getting everything ready for halloween. by the time trick or treating rolled around we were both exhausted but i took the kid out while the husband gave out candy and we managed to make it through. he raked in tons of candy, we met some neighborhood kids, and got to wander around after dark and past his bedtime. we finished the evening with pizza and "thriller" on youtube, as is our tradition. it was the perfect halloween. 

when all was said and done, i had blisters on my feet, a burn on my thumb from a glue gun that must have been made in 1842, and a house that looked like hobby lobby blew up in it. and here it is, tuesday, the day after halloween, and i'm still going.

which brings me back to the really, really tired thing. i'm going to give up now and soak in the shower until the knot in my right shoulder goes away. happy halloween to all and to all a good night.